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If You Can't Say Anything Nice.........

My Marine tough Grandma, who is 82, once told me, "If you can't say anything 
nice, don't say anything at all." It sure has been quite here the last few 
days reading the discussion list. I just heard some dust collide with the 
ceiling fan above me. I've been biting my tongue, and Judy just told me she's 
quite tired up picking it up and sewing it back on. She has requested I move 
to another room at night, at least until my blood slows from it's rolling 

So I've decided not to renew my subscription to the Hudson Institute, or my 
membership in the John Purdue Club. You have finally made my see the mistakes 
I have made. But, they really go way back into history. Crow-Magnum man 
should have tucked his Big Mac under his armpit instead of starting fires. 
His meal would have still been as warm, and think of all of the reduction in 
pollution coupled with the saving of the trees. Nature's law of Survival of 
the Fittest, should have been called, Survival of the Squeamishly Tolerant. 
The food chain is actually a franchise of Piggly Wiggly's. Pavlov should have 
read poetry instead of ringing bells. Darwin was just a figment of our 

My employer and I were forecasting our business plans for next year 
yesterday. I had been hoping to return to GMI next year to continue my career 
path. He told me he thought I was ready for Dealer Academy. I assured him 
that I was confident I could lead our 93 employees through telepathy. Since 
it is against the law here to ask employees about their culture and economic 
backgrounds, I chose melding of the minds instead. It seems I'm much to 
powerful now to lead my small department of 32, so he has agreed to let me 
work alone, in the car wash. He also suggested I take one more vacation this 

Judy and I are flying to Jacksonville, Florida tomorrow. I hope the pilot 
understands why I must know how much take home pay he gets. I plan on pushing 
the beverage cart up the isles also until everyone else is happy. Only then 
will I drink whatever's left over. If the folks at the rental car counter are 
rude to me, I'll know it's my fault for handing them my cash.

Judy is starting to stare at me now, she called me marshmallow or something 
and tried to drop me into her cup of cocoa. I'll have to explain to her that 
some of you are actually CIA and have lulled the Talaban into thinking that 
if they attacked America, we would invite them over for a mixer and take a 
knee to ask for mercy. Now that they believed you, you no longer have to act 
that way. You can "come out". I have taken down the Stars and Stripes in 
front of my little castle and erected a sign that says, "Osama needs a Hug". 
There's a crowd starting to develop out there. I think they must be waiting 
for his group hug.

I'm thinking of adding on to the house for all those prisoners that have to 
be released. But it seems there are more child molesters and mass murderers 
than I have room for. Can I send them to your house?

Donald Sinclair, Indianapolis