>
>>>
>>> Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
>>> A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
>>> A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
>>> A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit
>>> any of the ducks.
>>> ------------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin
>>> blindfolded?
>>> A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
>>> A. You can tune the lawn mower.
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for
>>> directions: an in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tune
>>> bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
>>> A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you
>>> have been hallucinating.
>>> -------------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
>>> A. Add vibrato.
>>> -------------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
>>> A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
>>> -------------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and
>>> dead bagpiper in the road?
>>> A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
>>> ------------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road
>>> and a dead country singer in the road?
>>> A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording
>>> session.
>>> ------------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
>>> A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
>>> ----------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
>>> A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
>>> A. Someone is blowing into it.
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>> If you took all the bagpipers in the world and laid them
>>> end to end -- it would be a good idea.
>>> ------------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. What do you call ten bagpipes at the bottom of the ocean?
>>> A. A good start.
>>> ------------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
>>> A. To get away from the sound.
>>> ------------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. What's the definition of "optimism"
>>> A. A bagpiper with a beeper.
>>> ------------------------------------------------------
>>> Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect unison?
>>> A. Shoot one.
>>> ------------------------------------------------------
>>> Did you hear the one about the bagpiper who parked his
>>> car with the windows open, forgetting that he had left his
>>> bagpipes in the back seat?
>>>
>>> He rushed back as soon as he realized it, but it was too
>>> late -- someone had already put another set of bagpipes in the
>>> car!
>>
>
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